Sneaky Goblins

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Sneaky Goblins
Sneaky Goblins.png
Story by:Rene Pfitzner
Art by:Rene Pfitzner

Sneaky Goblins is an Australian comic book by Rene Pfitzner. The story is written and drawn by Rene Pfitzner. It follows the adventures of Dank and his quest to hone his skills as a master assassin.


A goblin is out in the fields, trying to hunt a wild boar. As he sneaked, he fails to activate a smokebomb and gets run over. The goblin, named Dank, fails his exam and the administrator asks him to visit Headmaster Fetterblood.

As he talks to the headmaster, the man admonishes Dank for his lack of proficiency over practical assassination. While he is a genius with theory, Fetterblood laments how bad he is as an assassin. Later, we learn that Dank is now expelled from the academy. As he talks to his friend, Dank decides that he'll look for a job instead. He looks at the classifieds and finds a job posting.

Meanwhile, two goblins steal some booty from humans and get away with it. Over at their drop off, the thief, named Bootwaffe, is questioned by his handler, Boris, why he had a very small haul. As he tries to reason with Boris, he gets dispatched by other thugs, being branded as a mole even without evidence.

Boris tries to cheer up his crew, the Saurwind Slugs. Boris then announces that he wants to have an advantage: they need someone good with magic.

Dank's father comes back home, seeing his son reading a book. Dank admits what happened, even noting how he was kicked out of school. Dank instead laid out that he plans to work as town defence, but is discouraged by his father, asking him to try again with the academy.

Back to Boris, he talks to his people about finding a relic when one of his men reveals about the ad he placed in the academy. Dank welcomes himself in, saying he's there for the job. While Boris is hesitant to hire him, he was given the task so he can prove himself.

Dank is tasked to steal the Elven relic of Peacebringer, which neutralises all weapons and projectiles around it. The briefing tells him of its location in the centre of the Elven Capital. As Dank tries to wiggle himself with benefits, he is shown the dungeon. Dank then complains to his friend, asking her to go away and leave him for now, just to protect her from their threat.

The Heist Part 1

Later that day, Dank meets up with Grim and starts their journey towards Elf City. During that time, the pair tries to hunt a pig, only to fail miserably. Grim tries to check on Dank if he's really up to task, only to find out that he's a failed assassin.

The pair tries to steal from a chicken farm, only to fail again miserably. The farmer wakes up and hunts both goblins, using a crossbow and hunting dogs. Dank runs away while Grim gets shot with an arrow to the knee. The farmer catches onto Grim, who shoots him straight up.

Dank is still running away from the dogs when he gets lost in the forest. While in there, he sees a big orc hunting a bear. Dank runs away, believing the orc to be a freak.

Back in Saurwind, Dank's girlfriend is worried about him, going back to the mills. She is attacked by a pack of wolves, many of whom she dispatches with ease.

The next morning, Dank continues to travel through the mountains when he saw a Human checkpoint. He's worried that he can't pass through the checkpoint - at least not without the help of the Orc in a fight. As Dank tries to formulate a plan, he sees bear bones along the way.

The next day, a human patrol is going around when they see a bear carcass. They run towards a potential source. As they see the singing orc, the patrol goes back to camp to get reinforcements. They then take their people and try to ambush the orc. As they outnumber the orc, Dank tries to save him, attacking and killing two humans with poisoned daggers.

Dank convinces the Orc named Bog to help him ambush a nearby human encampment and fight off the checkpoint. As Dank tried to beef up Bog, they started attacking the encampment. They eventually fight the wizard, how hits Bog's hand and cuts it right off.

As Dank and Bog lose, Dank tries to negotiate with the wizard, telling her his story. She then goes on the same adventure with them, helping them with new armor and healing for Bog.

The next day, the wizard tries to push the pace and tells the real problem once they steal the relic: Elves will hunt them infinitely. Dank and Bog are terrified of the prospect.

The Heist Part 2

Back in Saurwind, Dank's friend Sophie is still searching for him. As Sophie tries to hide the fact from Dank's dad, she finds the mob hideout, only to be found out.

Meanwhile, Dank and his party are moving through the fields when they reach the realm of a wizard who owns a seeing orb. As Dank is hesitant, the wizard coerces him to sneak into the castle, which he reluctantly agrees to.

Dank infiltrates the castle through its windows and attacks the guards one by one. As he clears the castle, he opens the castle gates to his party and they infiltrate the wizard's sanctum.

As they infiltrate the sanctum, Dank sees his friend Sophie in trouble. He uses the seeing-orb to spy on the gang as they try to recruit Sophie into the fold. The Castle's wizard suddenly shows up.

The human mage, Sonya, tries to escape with the party, only to have her teleportation spell cancelled. The castle mage, Murdok, tells that they have a lot to catch up on. Even then, the party fights off the mage and gets the upper hand, eventually killing him off.

Sonya asks Bog to gather the bones, trying to use the seeing orb but to no avail. As they run away, Dank checks with Sonya how far the Elf City is, and says it's a couple of weeks if they don't delay.

The party then goes into an epic adventure, fighting two-headed giants, dragons, raptors, and even cave trolls. They also start fighting dinosaurs, which delays their entire journey by two months.

Journey to The Elf City

Two months later, the party of three reaches the woods outside Shimmerwind, the Elf City. Sonya reveals that the relic they're looking for is the Morjelir - The Bow Breaker. She tells of its lore, where they created their technology from the metals of the meteorite. From the center of the meteorite, the Elves found an intact relic that made all projectile weapons fail.

As the party discusses what they will do with the relic, the elves ambush them. Dank, now a great assassin, dispatches of the ambush party quickly with Bog. During the fight, Sonya perishes and both Bog and Dank move away, walking off.

Back to Sophia, she is now a part of the mob and infiltrates a mansion, only to be found out and learn that the Valkyries are attacking the town. As everyone panics from the Valkyrie attack, Sophia takes the loot she came for in the mansion.

The town defence leaps to the protection of the people against the Valkyries. Many of them fight valiantly, only to have some of them killed, with half the town's grain supply in tow. One of the defenders, Allan, who was supposed to get married and retire, died during the siege. His mate vows to bring his pendant to Miranda in his memory.

Sophia then goes back to Boris, who then reports that the humans are forging an alliance with the Crazy Four, building contracts with them. Boris gets angry, noting how they need the relic if they want to survive.

Meanwhile, Dank and Bog are moving towards the Elf City, arguing what covers to use since they can't be musicians. As they quarrel over each other's company, a human caravan threatens them at gunpoint, but they dispatch them quickly enough. As they build their cover, Bog tries to learn magic, only to fail at it for being a first timer.

Finding Shimmerwind

Two days later, the duo of Dank and Bog reach the outskirts of Shimmerwind. They pretend to be merchants and are welcomed into the city with no resistance. They then make their plans for the heist, in plain sight of the elves. They evade capture multiple times, only because they elves find them non-threatening.

Finally that night, Bog acts as decoy and gets captured while Dank infiltrates the Tower. As Dank stealthily moves around, Bog starts to regret going through the entire mission. He tries to trick a guard into giving him the bag of bones, which he then resurrects to let Murdok live again. Murdok tried to release Bog from imprisonment, but gets killed again after making a ruckus himself.

A few moments later, Dank sneakily smoke bombs the sanctuary where the relic is held and kills off the guards. He gets the relic and jumps off the roof, only to use the bag that Grim gave him. It was a glider, and he glides off almost out of the city. He remembers, however, that Bog is captured and removes the glider, only to fall off, lose the relic and fall through a house.

As he fell, he escaped to the city's sewer tunnels with the help of some children. That same night, the city gathered as Bog will be hanged for trying to steal the relic. The elves also got the relic back, which dismayed Bog. As he was about to be hanged, the rope snaps, with the duo running as fast as they can.

Both run through the sewer tunnels and jump off a cliff, using the glider to fly off with the relic in tow. As they were pursued, Bog and Dank drop off the relic and it cracks, making a massive explosion that wipes off the pursuing party, much of the city and throws the duo towards the forest.

As both Dank and Bog's quest failed, they now go back on the road, adventuring towards their way back home.

Return to Saurwind

Dank and Bog create a monument of their lost comrades - Sonya, Murdok, and Grim, together with all those they vanquished along the way. They pass through all the monsters they killed along the way, remembering the times they spent adventuring.

During the return trip, Bog gets a new spell book from Murdok's Castle and becomes a proficient mage. Dank is also a veteran assassin now, with a ton of experience killing his attackers.

Sophie is trying to lead the Saurwind Slugs in a quest against the Crazy Four, who now have a corrupt security contract with the government. As they fight over the details, Dank and Bog return. They tell about the entire adventure to the gang, and how they failed to get the relic.

Sophie insulted them and had the gang put the returning duo to a cell. As Dank wonders what happened to his friend, Sophie shows up rescuing them. Everything was a ruse to make the gang loosen up. The trio escape and go straight to the Crazy Four, who tattles on the Slugs about the entire situation.

As the Crazy Four promised to clean up the mess, they asked Dank if he wants to join the gang. He declines, but now Dank now runs back to his home to look for his dad, only to find out that it's burning, who they believe is the undoing of the Slugs.

The Rescue

Dank tries to return to the Crazy Four, only for them to decline him. The trio decides to attack the Saurwind Slugs base, with Dank stealthily getting near Boris. He demands the location of his father, only to find out he's in the dungeon.

They fight their way into the dungeon and they find Dank's Dad. They fight their way towards Boris, with the gang leader ordering his thugs to kill them. As Dank's party overpowers the gang members, they pursue Boris through the door. As they open it, Boris shoots his blunderbuss, hitting Dank's Dad.

Dank quickly attacks Boris and comes back to his dying dad. Bog heals Dank's Dad.

A week later, the graduation ceremonies start for the assassin academy. Dank receives an award, becoming a Tower Guard for the Town Defence, even if he didn't graduate. Dank, together with Bog and Sophie, now defend the town.

Around the same time, Ape Mechs attack town and the trio start their jobs as town guards.


In the Monument of the Fallen, Sonya flies to Murdok's Castle, meeting him there as kindred spirits. Both discuss their original plans for the relic.

Sonya wanted to give the relic to the Orcs, believing they will create a more peaceful path. Now, the Orcs are preparing for war while the leaders of the town are infighting. There is danger awaiting the happy ending for Dank, Bog, and Sophie, and both wizards can only watch.